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“The One Where They Build a House,” which aired on 11/14/04, opens with Michael sharing his proposal for a new business model with Lindsay—he wants to build another model home, and have a huge ribbon cutting ceremony while raising money to further development. Lindsay however is much more concerned with both a diamond cream she recently read about and making sure that Tobias thinks she’s been doing better in the dating world than he has. Neither one of them have been doing very well, however, because Lindsay’s been suffering from lack of self-confidence and Tobias has been far too busy painting himself blue and stalking her. George Michael tells Michael that he’d really love to bring his new girlfriend, Ann, to the ribbon cutting ceremony, and that he’d also like to get her some of that diamond dust; Michael can’t seem to recall meeting Ann, which is odd considering the fact that she’s sitting in the kitchen, perhaps making a “mayon-egg” and that Michael let her into the model home himself. Michael, while he pretends to like “Egg,” would rather attend the ribbon-cutting with his son and doesn’t really want George Michael spending all of his money getting her glittered up for Easter. With George, Sr. having escaped to Mexico, G.O.B has been made the new acting president of the Bluth Company, which Michael has no problem with since the title is in name only. Given this, Michael is surprised when he arrives at his office and G.O.B is still there, drinking Cloud Mir vodka out of a pocket in his pool table/desk. G.O.B. doesn’t seem to fully understand that he yields no power in the Bluth Company, and after hearing about Michael’s new business model, feels entitled to present it to the board; Michael claims that the business model is his and that if G.O.B had his own business model he could present it to the board, but G.O.B. isn’t satisfied and tries to settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. G.O.B. also tries to use rock-paper-scissors to convince Michael to let him buy a company boat, the Seaward, which he had to make a firm offer on in order to get closer to a sales model named Starla. In the midst of this, Lucille shows up trying to foist Oscar, with whom she’s been having an affair, off on Michael—Buster, who’s been successfully recruited by the army despite the fact that his reproductive organ is shaped like a lobster tail without it’s shell, has been complaining of zoo noises and she’s pretty sure he’s going to find out about the affair. Meanwhile, George, Sr. is apprehended by Mexican police who have mistaken him for his marijuana dealing brother; unfortunately, not knowing the Spanish word for “brother,” George. Sr. is unable to explain to them that they have the wrong man. Michael presents his new business model to the board, hoping that they’ll be cutting the ribbon in two months. G.O.B., however, has a much more excellent idea— letting out an enthusiastic, Howard Dean-esque yelp and a whole bunch of pennies, G.O.B. projects that the house will be built in two weeks. Michael’s not as optimistic that can be done, and, after turning of “The Final Countdown” which accompanied the penny-throwing,he tells G.O.B he needs a business model. G.O.B., in turn, rolls in his own business model, Starla, the model he met at the boat show, who’s holding a sign with the new company motto on it, “Solid as a Rock” and, funnily enough, sitting on a large rock—needless to say, the board is extremely impressed. Michael’s not on board, because he’s pretty sure a house can’t be built in two weeks and he’s not quite sure how the motto “solid as a rock” will help to distract from his father’s previous development in Iraq. G.O.B. offers Michael a solution—they’ll build a fake house…nothing on the inside! Meanwhile, Lucille, in trying to end things with Oscar, ends up making love to him on the beach—unfortunately, Fox 6 is on the beach as well, and mistakenly thinks Lucille is giving CPR to a homeless man. By the time Lindsay and Michael meet up back at the model home, it’s all over the news. Lindsay is actually the one who’s pursuing a homeless man, a homeless man who is actually Tom Jane researching a role in his upcoming film “Homeless Dad,” and, after hearing that Michael is looking for a construction crew to help with the second model home, she offers him a job—Tobias, of course, follows along and, being blue, camouflages himself against a Cloud Mir vodka sign. George, Sr. is not doing well in Mexico—he’s successfully convinced the police of his identity, but, to his dismay, they’ve all used his cornballer and have the second degree burns to prove it. Despite the time crunch, Michael and his motley crew manage to get the fake house up in two weeks, and Michael is incensed when G.O.B announces he’ll be cutting the ribbon—after all, it would look ridiculous to the board if the construction worker cut the ribbon! Michael, seeking revenge, decides to steal Starla from G.O.B; however, he changes his mind when G.O.B reveals that he just wanted to impress Michael by cutting the ribbon, since he had never been able to impress his dad. G.O.B does not impress Michael at the ribbon cutting, however, because, as he cuts the ribbon, all four walls of the fake house fall down to reveal Lucille and Oscar making love; Tobias is with them as well, having mistaken Oscar for Lindsay’s homeless man. Buster is outraged and runs off declaring he’s going to war. G.O.B, convinced that Michael has set him up, takes his oversized scissors and challenges Michael to a life-sized game of rock-paper- scissors which Michael, with Starla’s oversized rock, wins. After the entire incident is covered by the paper, Michael tries to make peace with G.O.B., saying that he doesn’t want to wait until their father is dead for them to get along; when George, Sr. calls in desperation for money, G.O.B. inadvertently hangs up on him, and it is revealed that Michael’s plea is too late—George, Sr. will be declared dead within the hour….

Bits that make “Arrested Development” the best show on television:
 The look on Michael’s face when George Michael tells his precious story about Ann’s “mayonegg”…Jason’s facial expressions never fail!
 Michael calling Ann “egg” and asking his son not to spend all his money getting her glittered up for Easter..
 All the “Rock, Paper, Scissors” business— G.O.B’s statement that “there’s not a lot of logic to it, kind of like a boat with women and children first”…
 Michael telling G.O.B to get rid of the Seaward(C-word) and Lucille saying that she’ll leave when she’s good and ready..
 Buster and his “Charlie Browns”…
 The blue spot covering Oscar’s reproductive organ…
 George, Sr. and Kitty’s horrifying “Mommy What Will I look Like?” picture..
 The phone company that George, Sr. uses to call G.O.B is Tijuana Bell, but G.O.B tells Michael there’s no way to tell where George, Sr. is…maybe Portugal…down the old South America way…nice “In God We Trust” reference!
 G.O.B dancing to “The Final Countdown” and Michael turning off the music with a remote.
 George, Sr. not knowing the Spanish word for brother…. “brothero!...brothero!”
 Lindsay explaining to Tom Jane that “ I’m not proud of the way I was so grossed out when I found out you were gross before.”
 Michael saying that the construction crew has made some sacrifices but that they all want the same thing…actually, George Michael wants to buy Ann some diamond dust, Buster’s hoping to get mildly injured so he can get out of the army, Oscar wants to live there, and Tom Jane just wants his kids back…so awesome…
 G.O.B proclaiming “I [bleeped] the business model” and the narrator stating that they just made out…
 G.O.B tells Michael that it would look ridiculous to the board if the construction worker cut the ribbon, yet at the ceremony he descends from the roof of the house dressed as the über construction worker…
 G.O.B.’s speech at the ceremony: “My brother wasn’t optimistic it could be done, but I didn’t take ‘wasn’t optimistic it could be done’ as an answer.”
 Michael saying that the reason he and G.O.B always fight is that their dad has always played them off each other…G.O.B’s response is that dad always said that was Michael’s fault.
 G.O.B still can’t use the phone…
 Tobias in the teaser, covered in George Michael’s diamond cream and wearing Lindsay’s halter top, declaring that his nipples are bleeding and that they need to go to the hospital to get some of the diamond dust vacuumed from out of his lungs…

Tune in Sunday at 8:30 on Fox for Season Two of Arrested Development.

Quotes from " The One Where They Build a House"

Lucille: Michael..
Michael: Mom, I’m-I’m right in the middle of something..(to GOB) Get rid of the Seaward..
Lucille: I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.

Lucille: It’s not fair to Buster. He’s a nervous wreck right now, he’s going into the army for God’s sake..
Michael: You volunteered him!
Lucille: I knew you were going to throw that in my face.